What is Love Pt. 3?
If you were to ask a Sadhu (A hermit), who has forsaken every material pursuit to pursue renunciation and the ‘purpose’ of life, it seems like they had to leave the material pursuits, ‘escape’ from them to truly lose themselves – their identity and the ego.
I guess a parallel, could be that of people who are still dealing in the material world, but need to take a ‘break’ – take a trip to Goa, a trip to Dharamsala, a trip to Bodh Gaya (all of which are on ‘my’ schedule), so that they can dump, for a few days, the various identities they need to carry to continue the pursuit of their material aspirations.
While it is certainly more easier to lose this ego when you have given up your name, your identity permanently, like a Sadhu, but do you or can you lose it while you pursue material aspirations? Is there a way human beings can be intertwined with a material life but still be free of the ego?
“Love is after all, a sense of total absence of the me.When there is not the me, there is the other” – Jiddu Krishnamurty
I have come across ‘my’ recent relationship, where ‘I’ have been extremely selfish. Extremely dependent on the other person for emotional security (which feels like a solid reason why two people come together, apart from companionship and trust), but it is to be known that when the other does not find the emotional security in you, the obvious human (egoistic) response is to cling on, find someway to convince the other person to stay back. And when that does not happen, it comes down to blaming the other for being ‘selfish’ themselves, ignoring the fact that it is our selfish pain that forces us to cling, convince and blame the other.
Obviously, it is the self which blames the self, finds guilt, finds ways to overcome the guilt and finally keeps loving the other person despite knowing that the damage has already been done and the past is to be left in the past while focusing on the future.
When we say, we are hurt, we are finding ways to massage our ego, massage the ego by numbing down the emotions it feels. But, is there a way, we can feel emotions but not feel them from the perspective of the self. Is that even possible.
Yesterday ‘I’ was watching a tarot video ( a new found security in my identity as a ‘Pisces’), which spoke about us not finding love in a person but to embody love. And since then I have only thought about a way I can not crave for love from the person I am in love with, but to just embody love.
I do not still know how to embody love, but I think Krishnamurty has some insight when he says, when there is no me, there is the other. And that makes so much sense, does it not? If we do not let our identities define us, our emotions rule us, but just learn to live (I do not know yet how to do that, but I am trying to shed the ego everyday), we might just be able to embody love. That we would not need others to fall in love with, but we will embody love and any interaction we shall have, will be void of selfish desire to gain, find security, or win something out of it.
As I try daily to understand how we can do that, we will try. And I know that in the end, not having selfish, egoistic desires is the human kind’s way of being content. Not happy or sad, but be content. It seems to be happy or sad we need an external agency. But to be content, we need to just shed the conditioning and identities we have created, manifested and accepted for ourselves. I might be completely wrong. But right now, I do not know. And that for me is the best place to be.
Care to share your perspective?