So profound is to feel emotional. So profound is to know that we as human beings have the freedom to feel our own emotions. To acknowledge them, that they exist, because that what makes me feel my emotions is me or used to be me, until it is not me anymore.
I do not know if this sentence makes any sense to you, because as I write it, it means 100 different things to me, every millisecond, maybe a thousand.
I had recently bought two bracelets, one representing the human perceived, 7 chakras, and the other, a jade bracelet for abundance. Now that I think of it, it makes me question the very act of buying it, not because it is not a good looking bracelet, but because I succumbed to ‘belief’. Belief that these can bring me abundance and align my chakras. Again, the fact that I believed, means that I stopped seeking. That alone is an example of intellectually dumbing down myself.
Anyways, now that it is another day, and that I do not believe anymore in its profound possibilities, I have started wearing it to the park, the shops nearby and the petrol pump (gas station) because I emotionally feel, that it makes me look better (in other words, completes the puzzle of the physical body in some way, so does the tattoo I have along with the intellectual meaning it has for the self).
What however I claim to be mine, is actually me, until it is not. If what is mine has the capability of breeding emotions within me, then it has to be a part of me. And if it is a part of me, it is me. Hence, expanding the definition of me in some shape or form. Making it a part of our ego, our identity and therefore security.
For example, when we are in ‘love’ (I have consciously put inverted commas around love, which i will explain later) with a person, we believe that they are ‘ours’, but if you look deeper, we are in the end, expanding our definition of the self. If they decide to be with us, they are therefore expanding their definition of the self. When we say we are in unison with someone, we are saying we have expanded the definition of ourselves and therefore feel whole.
When we do actions, which do not meet their definition of who they envision they are and want to be, that is when they perceive that this part of them (which is you) is not conforming to how they are. (so do you do it & I do it).
When this person decides to leave, we often say “they decided to leave us”. But what we are intrinsically saying is that a part of us, left us. And when we leave ourselves, we also want to hold onto the part of us which is us. When the me, does not want to stay, we say the me has become selfish. and therefore we try to control the me, until it leaves our control and decides to not be me anymore.
The fact that we have never been able to control ourselves, our thoughts, our emotions, means we cannot control someone else, whom we spiritually, emotionally, physically & intrinsically still feel is us.
It is like losing an arm or a leg, an arm or a leg which was once us, would behave according to what we wanted, and even if it did not, we were indifferent because it expanded our definition of us. And therefore, when it fundamentally did something drastically unlike us, we found it necessary to control it. Forgetting, that once there is this conflict, there can never be a solution. And when it went beyond our control, we felt it necessary to disassociate with it.
And since both parties believe that the other is them, there is a need to control any departure that is witnessed of the self. And when there is a big departure from the self, the party feeling that the other is not them, decides to disassociate themselves from what is not them (which was moments ago them) is painful for both. But slowly as the disassociation is complete, there is no more pain, because what is not me, cannot give me emotions in the end.
again reiterating, “that what makes me feel my emotions is me or used to be me, until it is not me anymore“
Now I am going to go back to the parenthesis where I distinctly put inverted commas around the word ‘love’. Do we know, that what we perceive is love might not be love at all? because if that is Love then love will forever be something so diluted that it is self-centered and egotistical.
Why do I say this? If it is me who is getting expanded, then is it not me expanding my ego? When the ego conforms to who I am or envision myself to be now or eventually later, we are at peace with it. When it is not, it is therefore in a conflict with me. When we try to expand ourselves, we are trying to believe in the fake ‘love’ masquerading as a pursuit of security and conformity with me because in the end it is egotistic. However, if we never thought of the self when we truly loved, that is TRUE LOVE.
Again reiterating, what is not me is the other, and therefore love is never me, it is the other. It is intrinsically not us. It is intrinsically unconditional, comes without bias or prejudice or the need for security. It is in itself pure. And I am proud ( the word proud itself is egotistical and when I am reading this it seems I am seeking security in this idea that this gives me identity and hence is selfish, but keeping this particular emotion aside, the idea in itself seems to be to me profound) to say that I share this sort of love for a person. I do not wish for them to conform to what I want, to what I need and I want them to be happy. If their desire is to never speak to me again it is fine with me (I am trying to accept that, in short, I am acting on this new definition of love). I love them, not because the thought of enhancing the definition of me has not come to me, but that enhancing my definition through them is the most selfish act there is and what is selfish can never be love. What is not selfish is love. What is not me, is the other and therefore is love.
So let me end on the following phrase – So profound is to know that we as human beings have the freedom to feel our own emotions. To acknowledge them, that they exist, because that what makes me feel my emotions is me or used to be me, until it is not me anymore and when it is not me, it is love, indifferent of me. And what is indifferent of me & still fills me with emotion, is love. The acceptance of the other is love. Acceptance of it not as us, but as the other. Outside our control. Outside our desire to control and outside any expectations.