This blog post starts with the natural demeaner of every human being including me. I woke up blaming the divine feminine for making me such an emotionally erratic person. I have a tendency to black out when my emotions speak out. I tend to forget even the minute facets of what I have said to other people, and much like before, I have been unable to do the necessary even this time around.
I guess the ego is not the only thing one needs to worry about in life. I’ve made constant attempts at subduing the egotistical part of me on a daily basis. I have learnt what life, boundaries and love is in the process. However a subdued ego is definitely not the be all and end all of personal growth. There lies a far harder challenge ahead. That of living life extremely involved on a daily basis without the support of ones own emotions.
When emotions are true and pure they are too powerful. Having left, alcohol, smoking, and cannabis, I have been able to understand that it is much more enjoyable, intense and vibrant when I live life involved in every second I breathe. But living life at ones own full capacity gives the reigns of ones own speech, demeaner and involvement to a beast called emotion. One that is necessary but at specific points in our lives in specific instances. Like my love for the divine feminine has slowly started to be unfiltered, without any strings attached, without any wants. A close example of what I am willing to convey can be the relationship of a mother and a child. That is how strong this bond is. And in these cases, emotions need to take the reign.
However, this bond cannot be replicated for our daily practices, daily conversations and even people who help you become a better person every sentence you hear from them or speak to them. No matter how much you grow, how important this person is to get you acquainted with the various capabilities you possess within you, they, like you, have interests, likes, dislikes, preferences and needs. They need to be somewhere before they can meet you where you want to meet. And when one is completely, unfiltered in what one professes emotionally, they fail to respect others wishes and wants. And that is something I am guilty of. Being guilty of not respecting another’s wishes and wants.
I feel like I have been given an opportunity to learn this countless times, but I have failed to see it so clearly as a see it today. 8 months of not investing emotionally on any fellow human being has prepared me in understanding my own boundaries but has failed to prepare me in understanding another’s boundaries especially when such a relationship is intensely driven by emotions.
So how does one reign in their emotions after all? Have you heard the story of Raktbeej and Mata Kali? While the divine mother is able to decimate the Asura using all her emotions, she is so overwhelmed by her motherly love for all of the universe, she ends up losing her rationality and logic, harming whatever comes in her way in the process. And the only way she stops is by stepping on her husband – the supreme divine masculine “Mahadev”. She understands her mistake, and sticks her tongue out in remorse and penance. Now how does this story translate to the art of emotions and being able to balance them?
Emotions and Recluse go hand in hand. It is very important to be able to balance both. To understand when to be emotional, when to be forward and when to be reserved, when to not be forward is a practice which can only come with consistent practice and implementation. I think the only way I have been able to learn this today is by divine intervention. Being united with people who have been sent by God to preach to me what I have consistently failed in doing. Such people are no less than a Guru, worthy of having their feet placed on your head while their blessings arrive in the form of vital reality checks and life lessons.